I saw a slogan on a guy’s car, it said “Proud to be an American.” And I thought “Well, what the fuck does that mean?” You see, I’ve never understood national pride and I’ve never understood ethnic pride. When I was a kid, I would go to the Saint Patrick’s Day parade and I would notice that they sold a button that said “Proud to be Irish.” And I could never understand that because I knew that on Columbus Day, they sold a different button that said “Proud to be Italian.” Then came black pride and Puerto Rican pride and I could never understand ethnic or national pride because to me, pride should be reserved for something you achieve or attain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn’t a skill, it’s a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn’t say “I’m proud to be 5’11”.” So why the fuck would you be proud to be Irish or Italian or American or anything? If you’re happy with it, that’s fine, put that on your car. “Happy to be American.” Be happy, don’t be proud.