Strength

intaier:

For the Month of Written Devotion, day 22

I’ve never felt being strong enough. At least in the sense of physical strength. My abilities are pretty average.
Looking “from the inside”, I can’t say about myself that I am strong or used to be in the past.
Physical strength and moral strength differs, though;
I went through numerous very difficult situations, literally battles – against illness, against people who were jerks, against people who were plotting against me;
I survived, and sometimes I hear from others “Oh, how strong you are”
May be I should believe them, but honestly, I rarely feel being strong and having a right to be proud about it.
Even if I accomplished something worthy.
Even if I survived through difficult times.
Sometimes I feel weak, in need of help and protection.

And then I pray, passionately, repeting again and again,
asking You to be my strength.
Asking You to be my Avenger,
asking You to make me justified,
asking You to protect me from evil people, those who hate me, those who dream about harming me, who wish I were dead.
I know that these people exist.
The enemies with evil eyes full of envy.
People that wish I were not online.
People wishing me evil, harm, people grinding teeth every time they see my name.
People that wish I would not exist.

But Djehuty wants me to live.
He wanted me to exist, and so I exist;
He made me who I am, and He is my Strength and Protection.

I survived the darkest hours in my life because of Djehuty,
and I did it FOR Djehuty.

I live for Him, because He wanted it.
Because this is my sacred purpose.
When I feel weak – He gives me strength.
When I feel alone – He comes to console me.
When I have tears, He will always come to wipe them.
When I fall into the pit of self-loathing, He would smile and take me out, joking “Don’t loathe those who Djehuty loves. I love you – so don’t loathe yourself”.

This is help even when I lose hopes, or feeling of understanding or higher senses.
Then I can repeat quietly “I am on your waters”.
I can imagine boat of my life being guided by Djehuty,
and road before me leading where He wants it.
And if I feel not strong enough – Djehuty is my strength and my protection.
And he would avenge for me, when the time of judgement will come.

I love Your power and your signs and sigils of your strength,
the full moon again restored in its glory;
opaline disk shining through the misty clouds.
You restore the Moon, You make the Wedjat-Eye sound again, you help Set to restore his power.
It’s not that difficult for You to restore me and make me rise,
when I’m being weak, tired, drained, exhausted, attacked, hated, blamed without fault, falsely accused when I have no guilts;

You make me strong again,
Because Your strength is mine,
and I know that I live for You
and my life is in Your hands.

And if You are strong, then I’m strong;
and I’m hailing the ba-souls of Khemenu in the name of Djehuty:
“If you are strong, so I’m strong”;

And celestian Hermopolis, Mansion of the Moon, will endure.
Take me through either of the Two Ways, –
So I could see your full strength and glory,
and once, when my earthly life comes to the end,
write for me the sacred spells with your own fingers and reed pen,
so I could breathe
In the Duat, where’s no air for the lungs of flesh,
but sweet breeze of the northern winds awaits for those who are True-Of-Voice.