During August 4th and August 5th, 2014, I had what I consider a light nervous breakdown. At the time, I had my daughter, my roommate, his estranged wife, and her infant child living with me in a three bedroom duplex, and I’m a very private, antisocial person by nature. My divorce had caused…
To celebrate surpassing 2,000 followers, I am putting my
novels on sale for 99 cents through April 3rd.
Chasing the Wyrm is not as serious as My Babylon, but it was
a hell of a lot of fun to write. I love urban fantasy and bad 80s action
movies. The idea for this book came from watching Die Hard. The best explanation
I could find for how John McClain does what he does is that he’s a wizard. It
has its serious side too. I’ve always bemoaned how urban fantasy is politically
naïve. I wanted to fix that.
Get the ebook on Amazon for 99 cents. Also available in
print. Buy the print edition and receive the Kindle edition for free.
If the CIA finds out al-Qaeda has a guy who can bend spoons,
they call the OAA, and they send me. When the Office of Naval Intelligence has
reports of a strange, giant, glowing squid, “Hey OAA, can Topher scuba dive?”
An infestation of rabid, gun-toting, were-jaguars in a South American jungle?
No problem. Topher can fix it. Nothing worse than spooked spooks who don’t have
a clue what they’re dealing with.
But that’s my job. Because being a wizard means I’m the only
one who can handle it.”
To protect its interests, the U.S. government projects its
power militarily, economically, and magically. It leaves the last to the Office
of Arcane Affairs.
Christopher Yan didn’t ask for the job. A wizard born with
the power to warp reality, the OAA calls on him to neutralize all arcane
threats. Part spy, part fixer, part assassin, Topher searches for a way to make
his unique gift serve both his country and his principles. When he makes an
enemy of a rogue wizard serving a dying insurgency, he learns the limits his
conscience can bear.
To celebrate surpassing 2,000 followers, I am putting my
novels on sale for 99 cents through April 3rd.
I consider My Babylon my best work to date. Personally
cathartic, I wrote My Babylon in the gloom shrouded winter of 2013, driven
through the dark months, and completing it the spring with the promise of life
returned. I believe anyone with a taste for a dark, psychological tale with
occult themes would enjoy this book.
Get the ebook on Amazon for 99 cents. Also available in
print. Buy the print edition and receive the Kindle edition for free.
_____________
A novel about the paranormal and dark desires. The story of
a cursed young man who has an intimate view of the Apocalypse. My Babylon
weaves elements of urban fantasy, erotic horror, and real-world occult
practices to form a unique personal tale that thrills, terrifies, and even
enlightens.
In My Babylon, the magus, consumed with longing, seeks to
create a replacement for his lost love using a grisly ritual that requires the
theft of a body. Through her creation, he learns that he has a much bigger role
to play, and that she may be a form of salvation not only for him but for
others.
The Complete edition contains all five books of the My
Babylon story.
Reviews* for My Babylon
“Captivating, interesting, dark, and at times even
funny.”
“Darkly horrific, Lovecraftian work. Parts of it make
you squeamish, parts send chills down your spine. A deft illustration of the
black side of the human soul.”
“What I really loved about this work was what was left
unsaid—telling a story with details rather than stating the obvious is becoming
a lost art. What surprised me about this work was how much it drew me in
despite my merely mild interest in the occult.”
“James has put together a great story with great
characters who feel authentic, even as they go about tasks that you’d be
horrified to find out your neighbors were up to. And even though Mike, the
magician who narrates this story, is involved in really heinous activities, I
still like the guy. And that is an impressive feat.”
“Not for the timid this book, but well worth it.”
“An intriguing look at what drives us …”
“It’s the struggle to remain sane, keep discrete, and
keep the emotional compulsions in control that structures the suspense of this
thriller.”
“In the end, you’re left with the sense of a
masterfully conceived protagonist who gives credence to the idea of the
unsympathetic character. It also maintains an orbiting cluster of supporting
characters who are interesting in their own right but also necessary to the
development of the protagonist.”
*Reviews originate from those left for the individual novellas
included in this book.
On July 18, 2014 I took the motto Frater IJACEEBO. “IJACEEBO” is an Ouranian Barbaric word meaning “All Gods and Demons are we”. It’s a common practice in many occult traditions to assume a new motto at different points in one’s initiatory career, and for me, this seemed like the time. I’d been Animapurasit (let me soul be pure) through many of my adventures. I’d been Coyote433 through many, as well. I was changing now, though, becoming something different than before.
Phase Two: Invocatory Ritual July 20, 2014
Stomp foot on the floor and cry out HUT (meaning “start”)
Say XIQUAL UDINBAK,(manifest chaos). Say XIQUAL UZARFE, (manifest aethyr). say XIQUAL KUDEX, EACHT (manifest light and darkness). Say XIQUAL ASHARA, DIJOW – (manifest fire and air; they also mean energy and time, respectively). Say XIQUALTHALDOMA, NOBO (manifest water and earth, or space and mass). Say XIQUAL ONGATHAWAS(manifest the vortex), and make a gesture with left hand which suggests a vortex. Shout out XIQUAL CHOYOFAQUE (manifest the work of chaos).
Say the following:
I see how everything fits together. I see the big picture, how all events flow into each other and the fleeting nature of people and concerns of the moment. I filter everything through how it fits together and into possibilities. I am open and to multiple realities, and actively try to open up other’s minds to think outside of the narrow, socialized sphere of reality.
Nobody knows what I’m thinking, not even my closest friends. I’m eloquent, and have practiced, well thought out phrases for everything. I do not need to search for words, because I have already chosen the perfect words for my ideas. I come up with models and rules to describe the patterns I understand with my intuition. I have multiple jobs and projects going on at once, because I am implementing and planning on many of my ideas.
Although I can be ruthless, I actually care about everyone around me being ‘enlightened’. I want to bring people to understand the importance of freeing themselves from petty matters
for reference:
Facing East, visualizing the Alchemical symbol for Air
Spirits of Unconventionality, of Flexibility and Leniency, of Curiosity and Independence, of Interpretation and Unpredictability, of Intellect
Hear me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me; so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth, on dry land and in the water; of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me.
Facing South, visualizing the Alchemical symbol for Fire
Spirits of self-esteem and of Vigor, of Enthusiasm and Courage, of Passion, Leadership, and Productiveness, of Self- respect, Creativity, Originality, and Resourcefulness
Hear me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me; so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth, on dry land and in the water; of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me.
Facing West, visualizing the Alchemical symbol for Water
Spirits of Self-awareness and of Tranquility, of Adaptiveness and Modesty, of Empathy, of Unpossessiveness, of Devotion, Reflection, and Authenticity, of Integration and Cooperation
Hear me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me; so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth, on dry land and in the water; of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me.
Facing North, visualizing the Alchemical symbol for Earth
Spirits of Respectability and Stability, of Tenaciousness and Cautiousness, Reliability and Seriousness, of Objectivity, Punctuality, and Practicality
Hear me, and make all Spirits subject unto Me; so that every Spirit of the Firmament and of the Ether: upon the Earth and under the Earth, on dry land and in the water; of Whirling Air, and of rushing Fire, and every Spell and Scourge of God may be obedient unto Me.
Sit in preferred asana and repeat mantra-”XIQUAL IJACEEBO.XIQUAL ASAR UN-NEFER” (20-30 min)
Shout AEPALIZAGE (immanentize the eschaton.)
In the days that followed I found myself moody. I found myself doing a lot of “out of character” things. I was manic. I was depressed. I was manic. I was depressed.
A tarot reading from July 30
Last night’s Tarot divination regarding my progress so far in my Tyler Durden working.
Octarine (Magic) The Tower False structures, tumbling down, suddenly, violently and all at once. My ideas about Magic have been, and are going to continue to change Black (Death) The Emperor This card generally relates to a sort of permission to be aggressive, brave, bold and in command for me. Some of my recent behavior points in this direction. Blue (Wealth) The Heirophant This one has me sort of stumped, actually. Green (Love) The Fool I’m at a “new beginning” Yellow (Ego) Wheel of Fortune movement, change, evolution, Purple (Sex) Temperance synthesis can be achieved if I’m willing to keep on trying, experimenting, adjusting. I need to open my mind. Lol. Orange (Thinking) The Star My “end goal” is not going to happen anytime soon. But if, like a ship navigating its way, I keep the star in my sights, I will eventually reach what I’m seeking. Red (War) The Moon I may be moody, sensitive, and a little irrational. I’m sort of “at war” with myself.
A facebook post from August 1
My HGA’s a monumental asshole. Granted, since I plucked him from a movie that showed his personality rather well, I suppose i should have known that going in.
The past few days have basically consisted of me not being able to think about anything except the mistakes I’ve made in my life and how I could have handled them better. It’s been a learning experience though. i had a lot of “AHA” moments over the past few days.
A facebook post from August 5
A few minutes ago I changed my phone number. In a short while I’ll delete this page permanently. At the end of the day I’m dissatisfied with my life. After all, I’m the kinda guy that would conjure up his own “Tyler Durden”, right? Let me tell you a little about Tyler. He’s an asshole. He shows you truth, though, and the truth will inevitably set one free. In “Fight Club” there’s a lot of talk about “hitting bottom”. I hit it last night about 6pm. That’s when I saw the joke my life had become. Dont get me wrong, I take full responsibility. That being said, it’s also my job to fix it.
By July 14, 2014 I had lowered my sleep schedule to about 4 hrs a night. Interestingly enough, my roommates commented several times that they heard me doing stuff in my bedroom during the hours I was sleeping. I’ve slept like a log my entire life so I have to assume there was something “very interesting” going on at that time.
Every morning I looked in the mirror, at first visualizing Tyler and after several days a sort of an idealized version of myself, and said: “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” I saw this as a great morning motivational speech. I’ve never considered myself a terribly material person, but I think this is a fantastic reminder, and then the last part puts you in your place if you’re getting high and mighty. I did eventually change the “you’re”s to “I’m”s though.
Then there was what I called an NLP-style modeling invocation method: I Watched the movie as often as possible. In all, I’m talking a few hundred times. It was constantly playing if I was at home. One of the reasons for this was to Memorize Tyler’s lines, speech patterns, mannerisms, etc. Not to mention a massive amount of pics, quotes, and essays from varying sources on my facebook page.
I also picked the aphorism “First you’ve gotta know – not fear, know – that someday you’re gonna die.” as a personal mantra and began repeating it as often as possible.
I’d visualize myself as Tyler throughout my daily business, saying “I am Tyler Durden”.
I started experimenting with Minimalism by taking most of my clothing to Goodwill. I also got rid of all the stuff in my room I wasn’t actively using. This would have probably been more shocking for me if I didn’t have roommates and did the entire house, but now I know Tyler was just preparing me for the future.
I went on a very short “Technology fast”. I started working on being more focused (as in “Everywhere we went we were sizing things up”). I started asking myself “Have I been asleep?” at random times throughout the day. This actually turned out to promote lucid dreaming.
Based on the aphorism “No Fear. No Distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.” , I started thinking about my goals, values, beliefs, etc. in short, what truly matters to me. At about the same time, a friend of mine started randomly messaging me “What did you want to be, David J. Clifton?” This wasn’t my idea. He just started doing it. Here’s an example of my mental frame at the time:
(from a July 14, 2014 facebook post)
I mentioned earlier that I like my job. I also mentioned earlier that I honestly feel like I am what I wanted to be, which incidentally has nothing to do with my job. Also, in the past few years, since my divorce, I’ve accomplished goals I sat for myself a decade or more ago. Did you notice I said “since my divorce” right there? I’ve noticed lately the phrase “since my divorce” comes up a lot in conversations I have. Honestly, I’ve dealt with this in a variety of ways. Some of them were even akin to what you’d expect Voldamort to do in a similar situation. I’m not going to go into my personal drama, especially since it’s in the past. What I’ve owned in the past few days is that I’m still having issues with it. I have work to do. Again, Is it a reason to want to, as the movie says, “wake up as someone else.” Fuck No.
At some point over the past week and a half I described myself as an “overweight middle-aged guy” in one of my posts. One of the things I’ve been thinking about is, regardless of everything I like about me, or that I’m proud of, at some point that’s how I view myself. I’m 41 years old. I come from a family of large framed people. I have a serious taste for beer and pizza. Could I benefit from being a little less indulgent? Absolutely. Is it a reason to want to, as the movie says, “wake up as someone else.” Fuck No.
So, looking at Tyler Durden as some sort of “Dark Buddhism Enlightened teacher”, what have I learned in this short time? Tyler doesnt want me to be him. Tyler wants me to quit holding back and be me. Tyler wants me to embrace life and live it, and have experiences I’ve never had.
It was at this point I decided to go ahead with “PHASE 2” of the Working.
