This board is an apprentice board. It can be seen in the unpracticed forms of the hieroglyphs and the uneven spacing of the words that this was done by a student, still learning how to draw a nice hieroglyph.
Egyptian, First Intermediate Period, Dynasty 11, 2030 BC
One way of understanding how sigils work, is based on the premise that repressed memories can be created. And that repressed memories exert force and power over ones life. If one was hurt as a child and repressed it, they may either get into situations where they or their own children are hurt the same way again and again or they may hurt other children in the same way. This is unwanted repression. But what if repression is intentional?
The plot of the movie Inception perfectly illustrates this. The protagonists seek to plant a concept into the dreams of the target in order to change the theme and direction of his life. One simple concept, something he will never forget and will shape the rest of his life, will be behind all his future decisions, will lead him to certain success in that direction. It will be inescapable and rather than leading him to failure, it should lead him to success.
Of course, that’s just a fantasy film. Is this possible? Can repressed memories be planted? Well I would argue that yes, they can. And the Satanic Panic of 80s and 90s and the multiple personality exaggerations of the same period showed that psychologists can find memories in a person that were not real, that did not exist. Firstly, before finding the false memories, I suggest that they had to be planted. How could the psychologists unwittingly do this? By asking leading questions perhaps? questions that in combination could not lead to any other answer? This could be a real life inception, not unlike the tortured confessions of heretics and so called witches of the dark ages.
Well now I have argued its possible to plant repressed ideas into our heads, where sigils come in? Sigils are a tool for repressing what you want rather than what you don’t want. Austin Osman Spare was interested in Freud and the new psychology of the time on repression. He had the idea of repressing things on purpose in order to manifest them into your life. These repressions seemed to have massive control over a person and if turned to ones own devices? How magical! Make your demons work for you. He coined the phrase “Then verily sleep is better than prayer.” an inversion of a Muslim proverb ”Al-salâtu khayru min an-naûm”. Prayer is better than sleep.
I say that the main use of a sigil is to implant the wish into your unconscious and make it a driving force in your life that shapes and defines your future rather than asking for something from a divine being consciously in spoken word with bowed head. Instead the prayer is sent to the gods through the otherworld where they reside, and we can join them in the dream planes.
The sigil is made, through simple affirmative language, encoded in symbol, either by using a magical alphabet like runes, ogham, theban, or by reducing the letters of ones own language to symbol. It is made, and focused on deeply, concentrated, and then one tries to forget it. Forget what it means. But have it around where one sees it now and then. Of course, you don’t forget right away. And the skill of forgetting it is one that takes time. I recently picked up a ogham sigil I made for a little girl at her first birthday, and I could not remember what it was for without really looking at it for a few minutes. I hadn’t really forgotten on purpose, I just had convinced myself it would work and didn’t think about it anymore. Like when you send a letter off for a pre-sale book and it doesn’t really enter your mind until the due date is coming shortly.
And then, the symbol is repressed. It or symbols for it should appear in your deepest dreams. And your life should take shape after it.
There are millions of thoughts inside my head, and it is like each thought is actually different person. So, I am very crowded inside. Sometimes, the thoughts are too powerful and I feel my mind is melting. I tried to express this feeling through pen.
I got my first computer in 1999, mostly because of the popularity of napster at the time. The idea of unlimited music was too good to pass up. This was really my first exposure to the internet, and I didn’t understand the potential. I vaguely remember a friend explaining to me what a search engine was….but I definitely remember my first search. It was Aleister Crowley. It wasn’t long after that I found myself a Probationer in one of the many “lineages” of Crowley’s A.’.A.’.
I never officially made it past the Probationer phase (my life changed drastically as we’ll see) but during this time I’d say I went from lifelong dabbler to disciplined student of the occult. I kept a daily journal of my work (not to mention I started doing daily work). My main course of study was Liber E vel Exercitiorum and I feel I mastered it. I was also still heavily into “Modern Magick” at the time, but also getting more into the Chaos Magic(k) ideas I was reading about.
I got my first divorce during this time period, moved around some, and spent some time starting over in mundane life, during which I lost contact with my A.’.A.’. “mentor”. (Funny side note: several years later I reconnected with him on myspace only to have him ask if I had my journal ready to turn in. I had a tome, but by then had no interest in furthering that A.’.A.’. relationship.)
I also made contact with the OTO for the first time during this period. I hung out for a day, but since they were several hours from where I lived didn’t really follow through in any meaningful way. That adventure would wait another decade.
Early into the 21st century I found my way to chaosmagic.com. Looking back now, that website was probably as much responsible for the current “me” as any experience I’d had so far. It, more than anything else, made me into a Chaos Magician.
One of the first things I discovered when I began interacting with other people on the website’s forum was that I was conversational in a wide range of occult-related topics.
Obviously, my posts up until now have concentrated mostly on moments I thought were catalysts. I’ve left out a lot. There’s all the silly rituals me and my friends tried doing in my buddy’s basement while in middle school, for instance. There’s the lady at sqecial media that taught me about the magickal properties of gems and incense and herbs. There’s the flea market fortune teller that taught me to read tarot cards. The list of fortunate encounters is literally infinite.
Anyway, I became a regular on the forums at chaosmagic.com, leading to the opportunity to get published in the website’s magazine, Konton.
My first article was entitled “A Chaos Rosary”. Click the link for the original article, reprinted on TOPY’s website. I made two rosaries. One for myself and one for a friend I made on chaosmagic.com, a friend who would soon be an important part of my “adventures”, Andrieh Vitimus, the author of “Hands-on Chaos Magic”.
At around the same time I started writing for Konton, I also joined the Temple Ov Psychick Youth.
(The following was originally published in Silver Star Magazine, Spring Equinox 2006, and later on TOPY’s website and various other occult-related forums and websites.)
On October 29th, 2005, my wife, Amy, and I attended the Real Witches Ball in Columbus, Ohio. While there we attended a Voudon class and ritual, conducted by Andrieh Vitimus. It was, without a doubt, a life-changing experience for both of us. Neither Amy nor I knew much about Voudon, and even though I was a practicing Chaos Magician, I pretty much stuck to the Psychological and Energy ‘models’ of Magick. I had never experienced anything that made me believe in the reality of spirits, Gods, demons, etc. Amy was basically Athiest. She expressed that she didn’t have high hopes for the ritual, since she wasn’t a very spiritual person.
About twenty people were gathered into the room for the class. We learned a little about the history of Voudon, and it’s beliefs and practices. We were told about the major Loas, which are spirits that are called up, for different purposes, in the Voudon religion. There was an altar set up in the front of the room with various dolls, statues, etc. where, later, we would be able to make offerings to the loas.
As the class went on we were told what the ritual we would be involved in would consist of. A symbol, called a veve, would be drawn on the floor in corn meal, and Andrieh Vitimus would call on Papa Legba to possess him. Papa Legba is the loa who opens the gateway to the spirit world, and is traditionally the first loa called in any ceremony. The rest of us would be chanting an invocation that was posted on the wall in various places in the room for our convenience. We were told that we could go and give offerings to the loas at the altar if we wanted. Various things like rum, food, etc. were available to make offerings. We were also told that some of us may become possessed during the ritual, though it was unlikely. We were instructed not to bother anyone if they began acting strangely. There were a few people who had experience with this sort of thing, and they were to help if it was decided someone needed help. Other than that there wasn’t much in the way of what to expect.
We took a short break between the class and the ritual, at which time the group went from around 20 to around 10. It seems that a lot of Wiccans don’t like the idea of possibly being possessed. Those of us that remained took a few moments to relax, the drummers started drumming, and we all began chanting. The ritual was underway.
Our ritual leader drew the veve on the floor with the corn meal, we chanted, and after a while he began acting strange. He began hobbling around on a cane. Papa Legba is traditionally an old black man who walks with a cane. He walked around, offered many of us rum, touched many of us, grabbed many of us and flung us into the middle of the room coaxing us to dance. People went to the altar and made offerings. He grabbed me once and the energy was such that I fell to the ground, dazed. Amy later related the following, concerning her experience:
“After a few minutes my hands started to tingle. I thought, "They must be going to sleep.” The preist came by and “laid hands on me.” I went to the floor and sat there for a long time, looking at my hands. They were on fire, shaking and tingling.“
After some time of watching others dance, chant, roll around on the floor, etc. from my dazed vantage point on the floor, I was picked up off the floor by our leader. He put his hand on my head, said some words I didn’t really understand, and handed me his cane. I was Papa Legba.
I was conscious of what I was doing. It was much like I was seeing through a video camera or something, though. I walked around, gave people rum, made people dance, touched people and caused them to fall down…all the stuff I’d seen him doing earlier. I was aware of doing it, but it seemed more like I was watching it being done than actually doing it. My wife said she was in a state of shock, pretty worked up at that point. She didn’t know how long she had sat on the floor. She said she wasn’t aware of what other people were doing. At that point she remembers looking up and seeing me with the cane:
"I would not have been more shocked to see him actually, physically morph into Papa Legba. I was looking at Papa Legba. This terrified me.”
After a bit, the drummers stopped drumming, and we all fell to the floor, exhausted, and laughed hysterically. The entire group then departed for a nearby restaurant. I felt incredible. I had a feeling much like “coming down” from LSD. It lasted for hours. Amy was noticeably shaken by the ritual, and Frater Vitimus helped her to get grounded before we went in the restaurant. During our dinner, I found it very hard to concentrate on anything. I was in my own world.
The next day, Amy and I mostly slept, exhausted from the event. When I got rested, I began researching Papa Legba. I found that he is associated, sometimes, with Tiphareth in Qabalah, which corresponds with the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Gaurdian Angel in some traditions. Given how I’ve felt since the possession, I think being touched by Legba, ever so briefly, may have had that effect on me…to a certain extent. I definitely feel as though it was an intense experience that has pushed me forward in my magickal practice. It also “shocked” me into belief in the spirit model of magick, which opened up alot of possibilities for me that I’d never thought of investigating before. Most importantly, the experience gave me a magickal partner. My wife was quite skeptical before that night, and has commented that the event changed her concept of reality. She has since went on to explore the areas of Magick that interest her, and we often work together magickally.
(Disclaimer: I reprinted this article in it’s original form. Some of the opinions expressed have changed over the years, as have some of the marriages. Lol.)
