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systemofaclown:

1. “Then our father [Satan] can again smile upon us with his true love and blessing”.  Oh, ok.  Apparently this is some Candy Land version of Satanism where people (A) actually believe Satan is a real guy, and (B) think he LOVES them.  I’m not an expert, ok, but I don’t know any group that thinks of Satan this way.  Most people seem to think he’s a real dude, or at least a concept of a dude, which represents evil.  Almost anybody with any amount of occult knowledge understands that he is a god-form, like any other, and represents certain ideals or aspects which a person might want to use to their advantage. 

Most importantly, Satan represents freedom from seeking the authority and approval of anyone other than the Self, and about putting ones own needs in the forefront.  It has very little to do with morality.  Anyway, Satan is basically an amalgamation of a bunch of different beings representing fertility, creativity, illumination and self-actualization.

2. “Remember what happened to Bobby last year.”

What happened to Bobby last year, Johnny?  Huh?  WHAT HAPPENED TO BOBBY?!?  If, as the previous panels suggest, he ate a poisoned, razor-blade laden apple, do you think maybe the other parents wouldn’t let their children go trick-or-treating?  “Oh, it was an isolated incident.  Bobby bleeding out into his own mouth and dying in the street, that was like ONE kid.  I think little Susie and Jeffery should be okay.”

Then again, they never say, do they  Maybe Bobby simply found some children in Jack Chick’s twisted little world that didn’t have names ending in a “y” sound, and realized that not everybody in the vicinity was raised by whitebread middle class robots.

3. Apparently Satan-Approved™ candy causes kids to be able to think for themselves.  Nah, that can’t be it.  What KID in his RIGHT MIND wouldn’t want to go to church and also eat lima beans and watch the news instead of cartoons?

Or MAYBE your kids are fucking DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED by the horrendous death of their friend and their own injuries, and have renounced the so-called loving God that allowed it to happen and you didn’t spot it because a wooden 2×4 with carpet and a face glued to it would be a better parent then you.

At least Brenda had the sense to suspect THE OBVIOUS.  What are we being told here?  That only WITCHES and EX-WITCHES have a clue about anything? 

4. Think we might not know what we’re talking about?  Read these other books, which we JUST HAPPEN TO PUBLISH.  Don’t bother reading anything not printed by Chick Publications.  They could secretly be the devil’s minions.  Especially Catholics.

5. Satan “decided”?  Wait, wait… I thought that only HUMANS were given free will.  Doesn’t that imply that anything Satan “decided” was in fact by God’s exact design and intent?  And we’re supposed to worship and trust this unbelievable asshole?

6. Jesus created the universe, and then came to earth to destroy Satan’s power, never minding the facts that the earth and Satan are both IN the universe, and therefore created by Jesus.  I am sure that Satan’s power was just an oversight, thus requiring his fateful visit to earth. 

7. See, at this point Brenda should have just dropped the act and straight up iced Becky and everybody else in that place.  Satan would have loved that, don’t you think?  And I’m sure the world-spanning Church of Satan could have covered it up.  But instead, she just leaves the tale altogether, and – HOORAY JESUS!!  – Christianity wins again.