Month: October 2018

“According to Ancient Egyptian lore dwarves were the only ones who could dance the sacred dances of the gods.” 

This explains so much of Twin Peaks.

Watch out tumblr, I’m high and watching weird documentaries about Egypt.

Pleasure then pain? Why must it be this way? Intoxicating nightmare. Driven by storms, vows of silence, maddening rush … Rancid under the spell of mockery I fled for the hills – basking in a frothing sea of night. For years I war with demons in my sleep, pillaging loud than softly: blasphemous change in seasons too subtle to detect. Mineral mind announcing tortures from below – burning temple, original domain – gastric prehensile of defecating logic. First my insides then my skin. I sacrifice it all to monstrous thresholds; idyllic ruptures in the bellicose moment, rending from an ancient source the will to live again …

SatyrBook Of Masks (via magnetar1)

Magick and your mental health

One of my nice followers ask me if I had any experience with depression and how it pertains to magick. They gave me permission to share this in case it helps anyone else.

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Short answer, yes, absolutely I have dealt with depression. In fact, almost all of my early magical breakthroughs were associated with depression. And I am not saying that magick necessarily causes depression or is a cure for depression. All I can say is what I experienced which may be much different for you. 

I think that when Crowley talks about crossing the Abyss, he is talking about depression. In spiritual terms it is often called the Long Dark Night of the Soul. Depression is what led me to decide to become a magician in my late 30s. I was in a terrible place, a place of my own making. I had the realization that I was not the person I thought I was, and that I had to figure out who I am. Becoming a magician helped. 

Going through my training in the Illuminates of Thanateros triggered a major bout of depression, as I was very much adrift and doing the exercises brought me to a lot of uncomfortable realizations.  I also had a major depressive break right in the middle of my initiation. I was a total blubbering mess. 

Magick taught me that I could create my own narrative. The motto I use now, shamelessly stolen from Miguel Conner is: “Write your own story. Live your own myth.” I am also a big Joseph Campbell fan, and believe that every mythic journey is a trip through the underworld. Being able to mythologize my life and see the threads of myth in my own experiences has helped a lot. Also, I am able to have magical breakthroughs now without a full blown bout of depression because I work with a solid group of magicians who care deeply for each other. 

Also, if you are suffering, please look for help. I was lucky. Although I never sought out professional help, I have a lot of strong supports in my life. I know that not everyone has that, and there’s no shame in going to a professional. I would say that the support of caring and understanding people helped me more than magick did in going through depression.