To fulfill my yearning for group practice I joined a wiccan group recently formed in my area. The leader comes from a well established circle on the East Coast (Novices of the Old Ways), and much of what they do is based on the teachings of the trio Janet & Stewart Farrar, and Gavin Bone. I like their work, and anyone interested in where modern wicca is heading should pick up their book, “The Inner Mysteries: Progressive Witchcraft and Connection to the Divine.”
As a chaos magician, I also thought that throwing myself into a belief system would do me some good. For the most part, it’s a good fit. The group is open to a variety of practices. Yet….
It chafes me sometimes how sure they are of themselves. For them, the cosmology is set, the worlds are where they are and there is one path through them. There are gods and there are spirits and the lines do not blur. I can’t help but ask, “are you sure?” My own magical practices and beliefs have shifted so much that this kind of resolute belief makes me call bullshit.
The worst part, I can’t tell if this makes me a good magus or a shitty one. My rebellious, critical thinking nature always rails against anyone who tries to tell me there’s only one way. I pride myself in the ability to critically assess anything. Yet, as a chaos magician, shouldn’t I, must I, not throw myself into belief with reckless abandon in order to produce results?
THIS. This conflict holds me back. Well, that and a lack of willpower to practice on a regular basis.